as his plus one (seriously… don’t these kids ever actually practice?). At practice, Lauren blackmails Nick into inviting her to L.A. Since we haven’t had much evil Lauren times yet, the show makes up for this deficit by two scenes almost back-to-back (in between is a scene between Payson and her Mom, but nothing much happens and thus not worth recapping). The Boulder Creeper was an especially sadistic killer–he’d force his victims to see him shirtless before stuffing them in his jeep. Because it makes this show more interesting, I’ma pretend it’s this guy: This is going to offend my godless liberal sensibilities, isn’t it? In the gym, Nick informs Payson that he was able to get her an appointment with the best back doctor around. Next we are treated to a rather awkward scene in Sasha’s office, during which Summer talks to Sasha about Payson and tries (unsuccessfully) to preach her faith to him. Well, what do you know? Kaylie finally develops a backbone–albeit a rather passive-aggressive one, but it’s progress, right? So Kaylie invites Payson and Emily to L.A. Could use more bleach, booze, smack, and… well, we do have sleazy sex, so one out of four ain’t bad. This is one for the ages, you guys, like Paris vs. Seriously, guys? Seriously? I know this show operates in a universe with rules even less comprehensible than an episode of Lost, but you’re telling me that a couple of gymnasts with no Olympic or (as far as I know) international experience, one of whom isn’t even national champion, are big enough celebs to warrant photo shoots and star treatment in a non Olympic year? Kaylie can also bring two friends with her. where they will fly via private jet and walk the red carpet. Back on the floor, MJ tells Kaylie that she and Nick have been invited out to L.A. They’re all like, “Whatever, bitch” and pretty much ignore her. In the viewing area, Chloe Kmetko prattles on to the other gym Moms, bragging about her parking spot and the fact that she’s one of them now. Ma Keeler and Sasha try to talk some sense into her, but it doesn’t take. Payson’s Mom worries that Payson is getting false hope. Back to reality (and I use that term very loosely), where Payson stands by the beam playing it like a piano while “visualizing” her beam routine. Kind of like, you know, if you try to self-teach yourself and practice bar routines on the monkey bars and beam routines on a bridge–oh, wait. What is it with this show and performing routines in really poor lighting? I get that it’s ~*dramatic*~ and all but you could break something, yo. We are treated to a fantasy Payson beam routine, set against a dramatic dark backdrop with a spotlight upon her. Sasha finally puts an end to this debacle by yelling at the photogs and publicists to GTFO, so the characters can continue to not actually practice at practice. Inside, Creepy Carter slurms on over, and Lauren tries to drum up drama by dropping hints about Kaylie and Nick’s nonexistent staged whatever-it-is. These writers and JK Rowling go to the same school or what? Meanwhile, Chloe Kmetko shows up in all her tacky glory to find that Emily has now earned an exalted parking spot in the Rock parking lot. Nick and Kaylie spend the majority of the scene engaging in petty bickering, because apparently petty bickering = sexual tension. So basically, being a Rock gymnast is like being a Disney star. MJ the publicist continues to force Nick and Kaylie to do photo ops and such together because “it’s good PR.” I guess it gets that non-national champ Nick more exposure whilst dispelling those pesky rumors that he likes hitting the wood, and I ain’t talking about his high bar routine. Oh wait, stop me if you’ve seen this before… OK so we start with Kaylie and Nick doing a photo shoot at the Rock for Seventeen magazine. OK, just a quick and dirty one because I have gotten so far behind on this show.
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